14 September

Bahah I so nearly fell asleep in school about 4 times today, whoops! Lol it's not my fault I was awake until 4 this morning...I blame the pixies ¬¬ And I feel quite ill today, lol, been coughing up my lungs =P how very attractive! XD Was well grouchy this morning, I was snapping at my dad lol. Ah well, home now =] maybe go to sleep for a bit soon and then wake up to my wonderous piles of homework....joy :P. But, on the plus side, I have oreos and tea, which is an asotnishingly good combination! Tidy XD

But other than my grouchy-ness, I have been in a really good mood the past couple of weeks =] surprising for me, I know :P But I dunno, things just seem to be pretty good atm =D

Au revoir smellies, I shall write soon! x

New favourite song =]

Birds and Boats-Gregory And The Hawk

If you'll be my star
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night
When I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

And you can sky-rocket away from me
And never come back if you find another galaxy
Far from here with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

If you be my boat
I'll be your sea
The depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free
I live to make you free

But you can set sail to the west if you want to
And past the horizon till I can't even see you
Far from here where the beaches are wide
Just leave me your wake to remember you by

If you'll be my star
I'll be your sky
You can hide underneath me and come out at night
When I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine
I live to let you shine

But you can sky-rocket away from me
And never come back if you find another galaxy
Far from here with more room to fly
Just leave me your stardust to remember you by
Stardust to remember you by

08 September

GAWD cannot be arsed with school lol, too much homework! (I rarely do it but it's stressful knowing it's there XD) lol but other than that I've been in a really good mood the past while =] it's been good lol. My brother's birthday today lol, the last year he's going to be a teenager! XD makes me feel old saying that about my brother :P I mean I'm sixteen in 9 months, scary scary shit lol. Ooh speaking of sixteenths, Ashleigh's nearly sixteen and she's having a party for it a week on Saturday which should be good =D

Had a busy weekend lol, it's taking a lot to get used to having to get up early on a Saturday morning lol but I'm coping with it cos of the £25 I get :P. Had Mahri over on Friday night so Declan came round, oh joy XD lol then after work on Saturday I went into Edinburgh to see Nathan, which was pretty good =]. I then came home and ate approximately 3.7 tonnes of food, mostly from the chippy XD lol and then I went up to Eilidh's with Mahri and Jaerin and passed out at like half nine XD. Whoops :P was Eilidh's birthday on Sunday so stayed for dinner at hers which was fun =] and then I came home and ignored my homework and went on msn XD all in all, a successful weekend =P

But I think that's enough rambling for one blog, bye xx

03 September

Today has been pretty good again =] first full day at school this week, oops XD was having some proper good banter with Eilidh today =D it was goooood. Got shit loads of homework though, getting stressed out already lol, dread to think about my prelims =O and my actually exams! Gawd. I've been thinking a lot today as well, something really good happened last night so I'm happy =]. Been missing some stuff though, but I just gotta keep reminding myself of the whole story and not edit out the bad bits, lol. I have a tendency to do that sometimes. Was pissing it down with rain today, was so cheesed off lol. Ah well, gotta live with the good old Scottish weather =D. Might have some more of my crappy apple pie in a bit, was a tad of a fail but oh well, no one died so it was a success =D. Anyways enough for today me thinks, byeseybye =]

02 September

Lalalala in a good mood today =] even though I got a detention from a twat of a geography teacher, lol, but oh well XD went home at break today cos I'm SHATTERED, not been sleeping well at all but I'm surprisingly cheery despite that :P found it quite ironic cos at four this morning when I couldn't sleep I was reading a Stephen King book called Insomnia XD (which, incidentally, is very good =] third time reading it lol). Made an apple pie today, it's quite retarded XD lol not tried any yet but if you don't get a blog tomorrow it'll be from the food poisoning :P. Haha got an operation to remove the mole on my back on Monday and it hurts now but I'm glad its gone, plus I get two weeks off P.E. =P. Anyways enough for now me thinks, I'll write again soon, don't miss me too much! Lol =] xxx

.

I know I'm a bad person. I know I'm cold, cruel and whatever else you want to call me. I know I did wrong and I know I hurt you and I am sorry for that. But hey, at least you know a fraction of the pain you've caused and are still causing me. So don't start with me, don't bring up everything I'm trying so hard to bury. You'll thank me for leaving your life one day because you'll be able to see all my flaws and be happy about being rid of them. And the differences between us as you call them are a load of crap because differences do not influence choices. You chose to do what you did and I chose to do what I did. I don't want you dead, and I'm offended that you would think I would ever want that of anyone. Shows how well you know me I suppose. To be honest I'm really hurt by everything you wrote but who cares right, just another wound you're giving me. And I'm offended on my friends behalf because they have never done anything even remotely as bad as what you did to me. None of them have betrayed me, or broken me like you have. It's not my fault I can't trust you, it's yours because of what you chose to do. I'm glad you're being strong about this, I'm glad you have people in your life you love and who love you back because even if I don't want to be a part of it, I still want a good life for you. Don't blame good fortunes or whatever for this, did you ever think that maybe I still hate myself after what happened? Because I still blame myself. I can't have been that good a friend (not even girlfriend, just a friend) if you could hurt me that badly. I think getting with you was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made because it ruined everything when you cheated on me. You knew how much that would hurt me, I told you so many times that that would be the one thing that I would never be able to get past but yet you did it anyway. You promised me you wouldn't as well, you lied to my face about it when you came to Scotland and promised me again you'd never do that but you already had. And that makes you much worse than the person that hurt me the first time round and you know who I'm talking about. He never promised me anything so I had no right to expect anything. He was never my supposed best friend so what he did was superficial compared to what you did.

And if you get so upset by the lyrics on my page then don't look because I never asked you to. And btw I'd like you to post my tops and shorts back, but you can keep w.e stuff I gave you.

31 August

(8)It Made Me Learn To Hate You, Or Hate Myself For Letting It Pass By(8)

22 August

Today's been okay, had Mahri over last night which was fun :). Got a phone call this morning and I now have a Saturday job at the bakers, I'm cheesing :). Arranged meeting up with my friend Nathan from Edinburgh, going up next Saturday, should be awesome =].

I'm seeing my friend Graham on Thursday as well, really looking forward to it cos I'm promised a big hug :)

Broke up with Rory yesterday, felt bad about it but he seemed completely fine so it's all good. Really shouldn't have gone out with him in the first place, I mean what's the point when I'm in love someone else yeah. God that makes me sound so sad....ah well.

Was out last night with Keeta, Ash, Corrie and Mahri, it was banter =] we did fuck all really but I do love being out with everyone :)

Today was okay but I still feel a bit strange, I mean its weird, I'm fine when I'm with people aka when I'm distracted but when I'm on my own I just start thinking and thinking and it gets me down because I go over all the things in my head which make me feel worse but I can't stop myself, it's really quite depressing lol. Ah well, just need to keep myself distracted eh :P

21 August

It's two in the morning and I can't sleep so I thought I'd give a little update, lucky lucky blogger. Don't actually know what to say to be honest, I've been thinking a lot tonight but I don't really want to share. God this is so counterproductive lol. Just bored I suppose. Downloading shit loads of Secondhand Serenade songs, I love them :) even if they are a little bit depressing sometimes lol. Maybe that's why I like them, I'm a pure emo at heart XD. Anyways I'm offski, this is quite possibly one of the shortest proper blogs I've written in a while lol. Byeseybye :)

19 August

Ughhh back at school, hate it lol. Almost all the teachers have been going on about the prelims in November, no pressure huh lol. I'll be major stressed when the time comes, its bad enough now lol. I have been bored as hell in class cos I've run out of free texts, lmao. Get more tomorrow though so it's all good =D.

It's weird how loads of stuff is changing, Ashleigh and Keeta have both left school now, Ash is starting college on Thursday actually, hope it goes well for her :). It's quite strange that it'll be people the same age as me leaving next year though, lol. Bit scary actually, lol. I'm maybe getting a job as well, which'll be awesome cos I need the money, saving for a lot of shit lol. Just working Saturday mornings in the baker but I hope I get it =D.

Anyways, enough for now cos I have nothing else to say, lol. Write soon xx

14 August

Awh today was pretty good, was supposed to be getting the twenty past eleven bus into Gala to go shopping with Keeta, Mahri and Joss but I slept in til half eleven so I had to get a later one, lol. Trust me to sleep in on one of the only days I actually have to get up =P. Shopping was good though, got some smexy socks, make up and a cookie monster top :) it's awesome, lmao. Also got shit tons of muchies, lol. My eating's been a bit screwed up recently, along with my sleeping which sucks, lol. Ah god back to school on Tuesday :S kill me now lol. Honestly cannot be arsed, lmao. Was hanging out with my sister for a bit when I got back which was good, she's down for a bit ya see :).

Went into Peebles yesterday with Eilidh to see Rory cos he asked me out and I wanted to see how it went. It was pretty good and I had a laugh so I told him yes :). It'll be kind of weird since I'm used to either being single or in a distance relationship but I think it should be okay. And it'll be good being in something not too serious, don't think I could take it atm to be honest, which sucks a bit but oh well eh =P. But I dunno, it seems to have given my battered ego a little bit of a boost so it's pretty good =].

09 August

Having one of my downer days (I get far too many of them it seems, haha) so I'm just sitting in the house alone looking at stuff that makes it worse, I'm very clever like that. Fucking knackered as well cos I didn't sleep properly the night before last, the shadows under my eyes are massive. Watching the Kerrang awards on TV, yay Bullet For My Valentine got best British band =). I'll maybe call Mahri and arrange to see her...but maybe not, I don't know if I'm in the mood for being with people if you see what I mean. Ah well eh XD lol. I've always been sociable like that =P. Ech 9 days until school starts up again, I'm going to die lol. Prelims in November, eep! Scary shit, doesn't seem like that long ago that I was just starting high school and now I'm like more than half way through it.

I have been considering my options for after I leave school. For quite some time I've wanted to train to be a medical doctor but I've been thinking and I don't think I'm committed enough to it to train for five years, you know? I don't think I want it enough. So I'm thinking of maybe doing psychology, because it has always fascinated me. It's very difficult to be good at it apparently and I'd need to find a university which does a good course in it too. I'm not sure if anywhere in Scotland does good psychology courses so I'll have to find out. I think I'll have a look at some universities in England as well. I'm dying to get out of this town to be honest so the further away the better. It's just so monotonous here and I can't stand it, I'll go crazy, lol.

But anyway, enough for now me thinks. Byee x

07 August

Haha thought I'd better put in a reasonably cheerful blog entry XD

Awh yesterday was pretty good, went into Edinburgh with Mahri and Declan. We went to Pizza Hut (I took advantage of the full length mirror in the bathrooms there and took pictures with Mahri XD camera whore? Me? I think not mate, lol) Then we went shopping for a bit, the things you find on Cockburn street I tell ya XD. Got a poster about weed to piss my mummy off, not put it up yet but I think she'll eat me when I do XD it'll be worth it though, lol. We then sat in Princes Street Garden for a bit before going to the cinema to see a film called The Ugly Truth (rom-com, pretty good actually). Then we sat in Princes Street Gardens again. My fascination with this place has nothing to do with the hot emo guys I saw there. Nothing at all okay XD. On the bus back I was on one of my downers (god that makes me sound like a drug addict XD) so I was pretty quiet and kinda snappy tbh, god I can be a bitch sometimes, haha. Had to get off in Peebles though cos Declan was desperate for a piss, god sakes lol. Then it was homeward for us and I stayed up until 3 this morning texting and writing in my notebook, lol. And being on bebo and msn obviously =P

The kettle's broken so I can't have any tea or coffee =( it's another blow, lmao.

I have wotsits for breakfast ;]

05 August

I don't think he ever loved me to be honest.

Random thoughts that need to get out

Blame is a weird thing. It's rarely justified, usually useless and generally a cause for pain. It's also strange how it can be over shadowed by stronger emotions. Love, for instance. Love can't take blame away, but it can redirect it, if you see what I mean. If you love someone, and know them so well, good and bad, it can be very difficult to blame them for something that is hurting you. It's easier to lay the blame at someone elses feet, perhaps the person that they hurt you with. Or your own feet. It isn't fair, it isn't justifiable, but it's simpler than having to look at the person you love and see what they did and know it was their fault. What happens when you stop loving someone? Well, in my opinion, you never stop loving someone, so I'll put it this way instead: what happens when you love someone less? Or you stop loving someone in a certain way? I don't know. And, being a human, the unknown scares me so I'd rather not find out.

Infidelity is also a curious thing. Something that I'm sure no one wants to go through, which I have experienced twice now. The first time, it hurt me. Badly. And the second time, it has broken me. It has changed some of my perspective. For example, I now hate myself. Which some people may consider strange, and they would maybe say that surely I shouldn't hate myself, but the person who did this to me? Well, I do not hate the person who has inflicted this on me for a second time. No matter what he has done to me I know that he is not a bad person, and I know that he feels bad for what he did. So no, I don't hate him. He's my best friend and I can't hate him. But I can hate myself. I look at myself and think, why shouldn't he have done that? I mean, what I am to stay faithful to? And I suppose, it's easier to think that I did something wrong, something to deserve what happened, than to think that there was no reason for it, no reason for this pain.

03 August

I'm glad you're happy. It makes one of us I suppose.

02 August

Hmm. I think I've turned into someone who isn't very nice, someone the old me would not like. I get so moody and pissed off all the time, it's so frustrating because I don't want to be like that, but I can't seem to help it. It's worst with my parents, I guess I just don't want to turn into them but that doesn't mean I can be so vicious to them. I'm worried I'm going to steadily become more and more of a bad person until, some time along the line, I will be a bitter and cruel person with no one left to care about me. I mean, I have no right to be like this. I'm trying really hard to not be so pissy with my friends but there is a couple of them, who have been kind to me, who I'm being a bitch to. I'm just trying so hard to act like normal all the time that it's making me so tired. Not saying that I'm not being myself, of course. I'm just trying to revert to myself before....well, before a lot of things. I miss the carefree happiness I had such a very short time ago. Now I can still be happy, of course, but it doesn't feel the same, because there is always an edge to my thoughts. An edge which cuts in deep sometimes. And the sad thing is I know this is my fault. If I was a stronger person I would not have this problem. If I was better at coping with the things life throws at me it would be easier to be my old self. I don't know, I just wish a lot of things hadn't happened. And I wish that I didn't do a lot of the thing I do now. But oh well, I'm sure things will get better =] I mean I've gone through the same sort of thing before, perhaps not as bad but the same situation, and I got through that. So I'll get through this. I have to, for everyone's sake because I am trying to be myself for all the people I love and care about. And because I'm trying for them, I think it will be easier. :)

01 August

Well hasn't a lot happened since my last blog, haha. I'll just say that I'm single once more, cos I don't particularly won't to go into much more detail about it, lol.

But yes, single again. Hmmm. How depressing xD.

Anyways, I'm holding up dontchano =] well, lol, trying to. I'm back into some old very bad habits but oh well, what are we going to do, lol. I think I'll be fine though. =D

Shortie short blog cos I don't know what to say without sounding like a depressing twat, lmao.

Bye byeee xD

12 July

Ah today's been really relaxing actually, I think that's what Sundays were invented for =P. Got up pretty late for me, about half ten, then did fuck all in my pyjamas until one, ah good stuff =D. Basically did fuck all the rest of the day, apart from walking to the Co-op to get Cosmopolitan xD lmao love that magazine. Spent a bit of time before dinner talking to my mum and dad about films and books and music, was actually quite...fun? Lmao parents and fun are not generally concepts that mix well together but it was awesome talking about stuff with them, especially with my dad cos, I dunno, we kinda think the same way about a lot of stuff, and it's not even like we have the same opinions but almost like we actually have the same sort of thought processes to get to those opinions. Makes me wonder if it's genetic or something to be learned, nature versus nurture. That kind of stuff absolutely fascinates me, psychology and genetics and the workings of the human brain. I'm sure I've mentioned an interest in all this stuff before but ya know, I'm quite repetative :P. You know what's amazing? Humans and apes share 98% of the same genetic information, yet we cannot cross breed with them. However, this is less astounding when you take into consideration that we have 50% of the same genetic information as bananas =P that 2% makes a whole lot of difference xD. Feeling really mellow today, in the mood for a good banter with anyone, lol. Hence the talking to my parents xD.

But today has been really good on other fronts as well. Had a bit of an epiphany this afternoon, concerning how I look and stuff. I kinda figured that as long as I'm a good person, as long as I'm kind and have my friends and my family and I'm healthy and stuff, why should I mind so much that I'm not the best looking girl in the world? Why should it bother me that I'm a bit chubby and not very pretty, if I have people that I love and reasons to live? So, I've decided I'm going to try and not let it bother me from now on. I mean, sure, I don't think I'm at the stage where I'll be able to agree with compliments about how I look when someone gives them to me, but I think that I'm comfortable enough to not argue about it, cos I know it can annoy people when I do that. So I'll just be saying thanks if someone says I look good or something (: I'm really hoping this feeling lasts because I'm tired of hating what I see in the mirror and I'm tired of letting it depress me. Turning a new page, fingers crossed, a more confident page :)

Anyways, enough for now. Byeee!

10 July

Ha not written in a while again, so I thought I'd better cos it'd be hypocritical if I didn't cos I just told Antonio that he hasn't in ages xD lmao =P.

Ah dear, didn't get to sleep until 4 again last night, so I was basically fucking about on the computer and being bored, lmao. Was woken up cos my friend Graham called me when I was asleep, again! He has a talent for doing that when I haven't slept well the night before as well, grrr. Ah well, I'm in a really good mood today, have been for a few days actually, so I don't really mind :).

When I came downstairs I must have looked like death warmed up, lol. Made toasted cheese and sweet tea which perked me up =D. Came on the laptop (obv. xD) and was talking to my lovely Antonio for a wee bit before he went to football training =P. He's proper into sport, which, of course, perplexes me xD the only sport I will willingly do is swimming, cos it's amazing xD Don't go that much though cos my hair dye would run in the pool, lmfao. OMG only 8 days until I see him <333 I'm getting so excited, and that's probably why my mood has been so good recently :) My mum and dad have ALREADY started taking the piss though, grrr. Lmao so so so worth it :) I'm nervous about seeing him too though, I'm terrified he won't like me in person, lol. Or that he won't find me attractive, which is probably more likely, lol. Fingers crossed my incredible wit, charm and charisma will come across when I first see him, haha xDD (was being sarcastic there btw, it's difficult to tell on a blog xD). Still majorly looking forward to it, it makes me so happy thinking about seeing him (: <3

Muhahahahaha ginger beer rocks my invisible socks XDD.

Note To Self

Don't ever try to pluck your eyebrows at night again! Silly me xD

05 July

Well it's technically the 6th of July but shh =P.

Ah dear, feel bad again, not written to my blog in a wee while. To be fair, I haven't really been doing anything worthy of bloggery (lmfao I love that word xD) but still, seeing as I've been doing fuck all it seems unexcusable to not have written :P. Today was pretty good, started off with a hunt for my missing dog, who, incedentaly, I found almost as soon as I walked out the front gate (in my pyjamas might I add). Lol. Woke up pretty late for me, half 11 I think. I know, I'm a disgrace to the teenage identity :P. Stayed in my pyjamas until about half six, then I went round to Ashleigh's for a bit, was good, we were playing Brokencyde in her back garden xD. Came home and watched Love Actually (it is one of my favourite films ever btw) and was on the phone to Antonio for a good hour, on my house phone actually so it might not be a good scene when my parents get the bill. Ah well, I'll blame it on Scout, or Fraser XD. Haha he walked in steaming, quite funny as he had to get up in six hours :P he'll probably still be drunk by the time he gets to work, not good seeing as he has a job in a hospital. Ah dear, that boy really is something. Lmfao.

Don't think I'll sleep tonight tbh, not tired and I feel like fucking about doing nothing for a few hours. Kinda like not sleeping at night sometimes, cos I can do all the silly little things that I never get round to in the day =D. I guess it wouldn't be so good if I had to get up for school tomorrow though =P ah god I LOVE the holidays xD.

Euch I may be seeing my ex soon =/ Games Saturday, of all days, lmao. Hopefully not, but if so I don't think I'll mind that much cos I shall have my Antonio with me :).

I wanna listen to muuuusic but, as everyone else in the house is asleep, I really shouldn't. Wait, headphones will cut out the noise problem xD yays ^-^.

Hehe not long until Antonio comes up :). I am still utterly undecided as to what I should wear to meet him. Hmmm. Fuck it, maybe I'll go in my pyjamas xD.

Nah, best not scare the poor boy =P.

Anyways, enough rambling cos I think this blog is pretty big, even for me xD I shall write soon, try not to miss me too much dear blogger =P.

02 July

Heey today was muchos better =D did fuck all really apart from sit in my room, reading, and trying not to melt in the heat, lol. Seriously, I'm dying! Supposed to be cooler tomorrow, but raining =/ I've got to get out of the house tomorrow though, I've been feeling like a right hermit, lmao. Ah dear, a short blog because I didn't do anything at all, lmao.

Aaah 16 days until until until Antonio comes up =D can't fucking wait, the time is going sooooooooo slowly, lol. God damn time, one of these days I'm gonna get it. LOL. xDD

01 July

Yesterday was pretty shit tbh. It started off okay, and in the afternoon I went and saw my friend Leigh and her new baby in Gala for a few hours. He's called Thomas and he's adorable (: but that visit itself brought me to question someone I have known for my whole life, and, I dunno, I hate to think of them the way that I'm starting to now. *shrug* ah well, it was good to see Leigh again anyways.

When I got home though, I got some really bad news. My friend Emilee was involved in a really bad car accident, and apparently it was amazing that she got out alive ='(. She's broken her collarbone, actually snapped it, fractured her skull massively, top of her head to the bottom of her ear, and she's broken some fingers and some ribs. But there's no permanent damage, thankgod. I was okay for about half an hour after hearing it, but then when I was telling someone what had happened I just broke down. Feel stupid now tbh, cos she's going to be fine and make a good recovery. Just, dunno, I hated to think of her getting hurt like that, imagining her lying in a hospital bed with a neck brace and bandages everywhere...mum says we'll go and see her when she's out of hospital, cos the morphine is making her not like herself =/ another thing which scares me.

Today feels like it's going to be shit as well. Just don't feel too happy this morning =/

29 June

Today's shaping up to be not too bad, it's sunny so all's good (=. Quite chuffed tbh, yesterday all I had to eat was a sandwich and a bowl of cereal (bran flakes are fucking immense btw) and I'm going for the same today, already had the sandwich so I'll have the cereal for dinner =P. Hoping to lose quite a bit of weight tbh, I proper hate my arms and my stomach....well most of myself, lmao. Hoping to be able to fit size 10 jeans maybe? That could be reaching for the stars though, lol. Suppose it is only one size but still, it's quite a bit. Hope my will power can take it xD.

Need to re-do my hair, the roots are growing in and it's got like a red tint in the light, lol. Want to do it before I see Antonio (OMFG 19 DAYS BTW!!!) but I'm saving money for when I meet him in Edinburgh and for going to Glasgow and shiz. Got £25 so far, not sure how much it'll be to get to glasgow, but I'm guessing it'll be more than I'll have, lol. Maybe I can chaff some off my parents....hmmm lol.

No clue what I'm going to wear to the train station to meet Antonio, I'm torn between the dress I bought in Stratford or jeans and a top, not sure lol. Life changing decisions eh =P. Although I'm definetly going to wear my Elliot Minor hoodie, just to piss him off xD.

Enough blogging for now, I'll write tomorrow =P byeee!

28 June

Haven't written since I got back from Stratford on the 25th, I really just couldn't be arsed, so my sincerest apologies.

Was at the Elliot Minor gig last night, was really good, I like the support band The Mission District, Eilidh wants the bassist's babies =P. I got his autograph, oh yes. Was dressed like a complete slag though, my chest was practically falling out my corset when I was jumping up and down. Oh my god, there was actually a mosh pit when Elliot Minor played Parallel Worlds (famazing song btw) I felt so hardcore when I was in it, haha. Was with Mahri and Eilidh and it was in Glasgow, when we were waiting for my mum and dad by the car I think abut half the people walking past thought we were hookers, and we got chatted up by this 50 year old guy who spoke to us in French, then German. Strange man.

Was proper tired when we got home, but it was funny this morning cos I was asleep and then I woke up and was cracking the joints in my fingers and it proper made Eilidh jump and she was just like "You looked cute when you were asleep, but then you went and practically broke your fingers!" ah, made us laugh. Oh, and sandwiches ;) we were watching a film and this woman in it was just like I feel like someone just told me my favourite love song was written about a sandwich and Eilidh was just like my favourite love song is Sex On The Beach ;) lmao.

Anyways enough for now, bye.

21 June

Away to Stratford-Upon-Avon tomorrow! And it's not too early a start, gotta be at the school for 9 so none too bad =P. 6 hours in a bus though, ah well, I kinda like long jouorneys =P. Just hope the bus isn't too warm, that would be so bad =O. Hehe no school for 2 months xD I am fricking cheesed xD

In a good mood today, got some new clothes (using Stratford as a pretext for needing them =P) yesterday which are pretty awesome, got a hoodie and it is so soft! I've been stroking it a lot xD (not while I'm wearing it might I add, I'm not that weird =P.....I'm getting there though xD). I'm wearing stripy tights and shorts so I look a bit like a pirate today =P yarr mateys. XD oh I went there =P.

Lalalala 27 days until I see Antonio =] muchos happy, if I'm this excited about it when it's four weeks away I shudder to think what I'm going to be like the day before xDD I think someone will shoot me for being so hyper and chirpy xD ah well, worth it! =P

I shall miss talking to him on msn when I'm in Stratford but at least I have lots of free minutes to I can call him :) might buy the smelly something when I'm in Stratford for when he comes up, maybe deodrant or something =P (he kinda needs it....like, a lot xD)

Not written to my blog in a few days, I feel bad, it must have been feeling rejected xD. Nice long blog to make up for it though =P

Ah it's proper sunny for the first time in a while, yay ^-^

Over and out, I'll write when I get home on Thursday!

18 June (12.01 am xD)

Okay I'm bored and and and I don't wanna go to sleep sooooo I thought I'd write another blog =D lucky lucky blogger :P

Then I realised I couldn't be arsed so I shall just dedicate it to someone very very special with this little poem :)

No title as of yet =P

My thoughts are yours
My love, my life, my sweet
My heart is yours
My love for you cannot compete
My soul is yours
My love is like a burning heat
My body is yours
My love I thought we’d never meet
My mind is yours
My love is something I’d never cheat.

17 June

Good day again =D I'm getting quite suspicious :P

Was so tired this morning though, I thought I was going to fall asleep on the bubs to school, lol. Ah well, only two more days xD eew double PE tomorrow though :S Do you think I could break my leg and have it back to normal by the weekend? Hmmm, it's certainly an entertaining notion =D. Aaah maths test tomorrow as well, it's going to be an epic fail (I've been saying that a lot recently, I'm thinking of adopting it as my new phrase =P).

Reading Let The Right One In atm, it's realllly good =D almost finished, read three-quarters of it on Sunday when the internet was down....really shows what can be accomplished when I don't have the distraction of msn...maybe I should stay off it to do more stuff, ya know, enrich my life and all that.

Pffft, nah xD

Doctor's appointment went good today, nothing to worry about but I'm going to get the mole on my back removed anyway, don't want to have it there if it is going to cause bother. Had a really good banter with my dad on the way back, about genetics and the human brain and stuff. Ah, it fascinates me, it truly does. And psychology, I think I might specialise in that if I manage to finish my training to be a doctor.

I've actually done all my homework for tomorrow, I'm quite proud of myself. Plus, I finished the short story I was writing in English. I like it actually, though, like most of my stories, it has a depressing air. The only happy story I've written was in the S3 exam and it got me my worst grade for short story writing so I think I shall steer clear of the cheerful =P

Enough for today, quite a large blog me thinks :P
Laters!

16 June

Another good day =] teehee, I'm happy cos South Africa won the cricket =P don't usually care but it's fun when it's competative :P

French was astoundingly funny, me, Eilidh, Jaerin and Robbie were singing (as you do in French) and very suddenly the class went dead silent and we continued singing, quite loudly might I add :P ah it was funny, lol. Classes are kinda winding down now, THANK GOD, I need my holidays damn it! lol.

Mmmm only 32 days until I see my Antonio <33 I cannot wait =D

Havw a doctors appointment tomorrow, not too worried, just going to see about getting a mole on my back removed, it's been bleeding and stuff. God I bet you wanted to know, ah well :P Hmm surgery though, that's gonna be fun lol.

Short blog, last thing to say is, in the cricket game between Pakistan and South Africa on Thursday, I think that everyone should support South Africa =D

15 June

Ah today was a good day =D surprising, cos it's Monday and all but I was in a really good mood all day :). Was definetly helped when I came home and found out that the internet as fixed, I was practically hyperventilating without it on Sunday, spent about 3 hours trying to fix it....hmm I should maybe consider getting a life, lmao....nah! :P

Got my report card today,was a lot better than I had thought it would be :) was a bit disappointed with the grades I had gotten in English but it's only third year, so they'll hopefully get better by the time I sit my proper exams =]. Getting new carpets in the house tomorrow so all the old stuff's been taken up and the carpet tacks are exposed on the stairs, I've already impaled my foot lol. Kinda hurt actually :P

Ah only 4 days of school left =D can't wait for Stratford, I hear the shopping is good and I'm hoping to buy a new necklace of some sort, not sure what sort of thing I want though. Just see what strikes me when I get there I suppose :)

Lol Antonio was drunk tonight, I do love his intoxicated phone calls :P some of the stuff he comes out with does make me giggle, but at least I don't record what he says! Unlike SOME :P not that that was directed at anyone who I usually call when I'm drunk....lol. Can't wait to get drunk with him in summer when he comes up =D amongst other things of course, but drunken banter is famazing xD I'm going to ask my parents if I can go see him in the October holidays, or maybe sooner than that, once they've met him and stuff. I think they'll like him :) but still, 300 miles is kinda far to travel, I mean he's coming to see me without his mum and dad knowing cos they wouldn't let him. Hmmm, ah well, we can hope eh =]

Enough for now, night night!

13 June

Ah dear, today's been a bit up and down, lol. Didn't have anything to do so I spent most of my time with my family today, never a good idea lmao. I just get snappy cos my mum and dad get on my nerves =P my sister's down with her boyfriend John (I think they've been going out for over a year now? lol well quite a while :]) and it's good to see her again, not had a visit from her in a month or so. Hoping to steal her flat when I'm in Glasgow for the Elliot Minor (Powerpuff Girls as Antonio calls them :P) gig on the 27th, otherwise me, Eilidh and Mahri will have to get a lift there and back with my dad :/ can't really be bothered having a 2 hours car drive after a gig lol. I'm quite looking forward to it actually, I mean I like Elliot Minor (okay they're not the best band but I'm fond of them =P), not as much as some other bands but a gig's a gig and I do love the atmosphere in them =D.

Omg I am so glad, I've only got 5 days left of school! Ah can't wait, I need to catch up on sleep :P. I've got the feeling that the time is going to creep ever so slowly by in the next few days, as time usually does when you're looking forward to something lol. And then it flies by when you're enjoying yourself, lmao. Just decided I don't like time, it seems too cruel xD

Ah okay, think that's enough for today. Laterz! (my god I sound like a bad '90s American sit com xD)

12 June

I'm writing this in English, I seem to do that with a lot of my blogs huh :P Today's been okay so far, I'm tired though =O weird, cos I got more sleep than normal last night.

Eep I've got physics and geography next, what fun, lmao. And I've got history and biology after lunch, then, thank god, it's the weekend. Only one week left of school after this! Woop and then I'm away to Stratford =D looking forward to it, I'm going with some good friends so it should be pretty good I think. AND we get to go shopping for an afternoon xD.

I've been getting this weird feeling or sense or something that something bad's going to happen. It's really annoying and a bit scary, cos these feelings are usually right =/ don't know what will happen though. Ah well, hopefully going to get hold of some booze this weekend so I can drown my sorrows, lmao. That's a healthy attitude huh :P.

Anyways, the lesson is about to end so I'd best stop writing =D

11 June

Can't really be arsed writing a proper blog today, ah well, I'll just put up the lyrics for a song I've been listening to all day =D I love it

Awake-Secondhand Serenade
With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do
You're an angel disguised

And you're lying real still
But your heart beat is fast just like mine
And the movie's long over
That's three that have passed, one more's fine

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe
I'll give you my heart on a string
I just don't wanna miss anything

I'm trying real hard not to shake, I'm biting my tongue
But I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take
I feel like I've won, you're my key to survival

And if it's a hero you want
I can save you, just stay here
Your whispers are priceless
Your breathe, it is dear, so please stay near

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe
I'll give you my heart on a string
I just don't wanna miss anything

Say my name, I just want to hear you
Say my name, so I know it's true
You're changing me, you're changing me
You showed me how to live
So just say, so just say

That you'll stay awake for me
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe
I'll give you my heart on a string
I just don't wanna miss anything

9 June

Spiders freeak me out. Like a lot.

8 June

Ah the end of another day, more homework that I should do but I'm ignoring in favour of talking on msn, lmao. He he, listening to Paramore =P Brighter, such a good song =]

Tuesday tomorrow, I like Tuesdays, my bag is really light lol. Got history, French and geography shiz to do but I really cant be arsed =P whoops xD. =O I'm really annoyed, I've lost my ribbon with my heart on it =( was going to give it to someone special so I'd always be close, but aaah it's no where to be found :-/

God where did the good weather go, rofl.

Over and out for now mateeeees! xD

7 June (I think)

Ah Sunday, the weekend is past and *sob sob* I have to get up early tomorrow =(. Bring on the holidays ffs lol. I know I've been going on about school ending a lot but SERIOUSLY, has time ever gone so slowly? I have so many things to look forward to in summer =].

Whipman was a bit of an epic fail, lmao. Ash and Keeta got stranded in Edinburgh on a search for booze and ended up having to go home, leaving me and Rainny to explain to her mum where they were. It all worked out ok, but gah it would have been better with booze and everyone there, lol. Always next year though :P.

Ah I do love this time of year, Beltane coming up soon, should be good (as long as there are no treks to Edinburgh this time :P) and then a bit later Games Week =D. Games Saturday is always good, bonfire, rave etc., but I think this year is going to be extra special =]....for no apparent reason of course :P.

Ah on msn talking to Antonio <33 My god, how I ever got the good luck to have him I don't know, maybe I saved lots of people in a past life =P it's a mystery for sure lol. But honestly, I am just so ecstatic (still) to be with him, he makes me smile so much and....there isn't really words for how he makes me feel anymore lol. Ah I'm sounding like a soppy twat, best go :P

Byeeeee!

05 June

Today was a bit mixed I guess, lol. Keep thinking my best friend is ignoring me, it's really upsetting cos we've been friends for 8 years and now I feel like we're drifting apart =(.

Got home and was on msn for a bit, then went out and saw Sean, had a good banter lol. Came home and went on msn again (it's my excuse for a life) and talked to my lovely Antonio.

I wish I could make him feel better but sometimes I think I just make things worse =(

Weekend at last, only two weeks left of school =D can't wait for the holidays, I need to catch up on my sleep lol. Ahah short blog today, can't be arsed writing much lol.

Laters!

04 June

Ah the sunniness has gone bye bye =(.

Gah had a bit of a crap day today tbh, was feeling a bit meh and it kinda felt like a lot of people weren't really talking to me =/ probably all just in my head but ah I don't know. Things kinda got better by the end of the day though, had a good talk with my friend Sean at lunch and he cheered me up a bit =D double pe (ew ew ew) wasn't too bad surprisingly, just doing soft (bahah!) ball and relays =].

Hehe my new Bullet For My Valentine poster arrived today, I was drooling xD and new tights, they're stripey and when I wear them with my shorts I look like a pirate, I'm cheesin :P

Ah Friday tomorrow, sleepy time lol. Didn't sleep so well last night so i need to catch up =P. Hopefully going to whipman this weekend with a few mates, fingers crossed for booze eh XD

=] it's been exactly a month since me and Antonio started going out. I'm so lucky to have him in my life, love him lots :)

Booyah!

I'm fucking magic so I am, got the DVD player working XDD

2 June

Ah another scorcher of a day, the sun's great but sitting in a classroom is not so good when you're so hot youo're practically getting heat stroke, lol. Ah well, only 3 weeks 'til the holidays =D...bet the good weather'll be gone by then, lol.

Om nom nom, munching on cornflakes atm, tis good =D. Wanna watch a DVD, but the DVD player is being a right twat, won't work =( I'll attempt the laptop in a moment, but it usually throws a hissy fit if I put a film in, lol. Ah I officially love tuesdays, my bag was well light today, only had my maths stuff in it =DD.

Bit bored tbh, been listening to Bring Me The Horizon though, so all's good =].

You know, some people are right arse holes, lmao.

1 June

Been thinking too much today, it's tiring me out...then again the tiredness could also be due to staying up late and talking to certain people....:P.

It was incredibly warm again today! I was melting in English, who's idea was it to build a building with large quantities of glass was a complete and total twat, lol. Fucking greenhouse so it was. Looks like it's going to rain tomorrow or the day after....how can I tell I hear you ponder? Well because I am an INCREDIBLE geography geek I can tell from the shape of the clouds...I'm cool like that 'kay? :P

Okay gonna shut up now lmfao.




Bahah fooled you! :P

I'm in quite a random mood...perhaps I'm getting sun stroke. Oh how that would complete my life XD

Actually gonna stop talking now before I say something that I'll shoot myself for later....like how FAMAZINGLY sexy my dog is. I went there.

But yes, another normal blog :P.

Shutting up now.
Seriously.

31 May

Ah the weekend's been good, great weather, making everyone smile =]. Had Eilidh and Mahri over on Friday night and we went out swimming in the river with some others, was great fun =D. The water was surprisingly warm (well, un-cold) and it was really good =]. Went shopping in Fort Kinnaird near Edinburgh on Saturday, got some new shorts and a top, makeup and some other shiz, including hair dye =D. Gaaaaah got a really strange email on Bebo though from someone which it would have been nice not to hear from again. They said something really weird which I find hard to believe and tbh it really doesn't raise my incredibly low opinio of them cos saying that could really hurt someone. In a bit of a conundrum (dunno how to spell that, lol) as to what to do tbh, I mean what they said is completely out of the question, I'm not even thinking of it even as a consideration of an option but I don't know if I should tell this person about it, it could potentially hurt them and I don't even know them! Fuck knows what I'm gonna do, I'm confused.

Stayed at Eilidh's last night, had a good time and took loads of pictures =]. Reminisced about some things and some people which I admittedly do miss a little bit, but only because they were the first to make me feel that way. I'd never go back, not now, but it does make me wonder what things would be like if different things had happened. Or not happened, as the case may be. Ah well, I'm happy now so I don't care =]

Hehe, the hair has gone black! I really like it =D not sure if it looks as good as the red did, but I'm still cheesin about it =P. Eep it's so warm, it's not like Scotland at all, lol. Bet the good weather won't last til the holidays though :P. Ah well, we can dream lmao.

Listening to Chase Coy, If The Moon Fell Down Tonight. Makes me smile cos I think of Antonio =]. Love him so much :)

...

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

29 May

Wowzers it is so sunny today! I love it! =D maybe gonna go sunbathing and get myself a tan....but maybe not, lol. Mahri and Eilidh are coming over later, and we're gonna go out and see everyone in celebration of the good weather, which, of course, will not last for Saturday :P

Last day of third year today, I feel all grown up =D well not really actually but oh well, gotta appreciate the sentiment :P. He he only 15 more days of school, then the Stratford trip, and then its the holidays =DD can't fricking wait.

Gaah gonna have to cope for 4 days without the computer in Stratford, I will come back with withdrawal symptoms, lol. Ah well, my contract for teh phone will have renenewed just before we go so I can keep in touch with those I love =]. My god, Mahri and Eilidh are going to hit me cos I'll be on the phone the whole night to Antonio, lmao.

Going shopping tomorrow to get some more clothes, using Stratford as a pretext for getting new stuff, yay ^_^. Gonna get some black hair dye as well, I think it'll suit the style I've got atm better =]

All in all, a rather good day :P it's amazing what a bit of sun can do for your mood =)

28 May

Wasn't at school today, whoops =D helped dad with the monthly shop in Gala, it was not too bad :P. Got my hair cut today as well, I'll put a picture up in a mo =] I quite like it, but, according to some, it's going to take some getting used to :P lmao.

Eeep I'll be in fourth year next week :S kinda scary cos OMFG prelims in a few months and standard grades in a year, but good as well cos that means we're leaving all the sooner :P. Discovered that I have chemistry first thing on a Monday, ew. Well, I suppose it could be worse, like maths or something but still, lol.


*sigh* I wish people would see themselves as how they really are.

27 May

Supposed to be finishing an essay, but I really cannot be bothered so I am again writing to my blog, lol. He he, listening to Bullet For My Valentine, fucking love them =D. School was okay today, was tired again though, not my fault I was on msn 'til 2......I blame Antonio, he just wouldn't let me go to sleep XDD lol.

Woop getting my hair cut tomorrow :D can't wait. Not getting much off the length cos I want to grow it, but I'm hopefully getting a sweepy fringe, which should be good =]. Baaaah why does it have to be Thursday tomorrow, I hate Thursdays, my bag is always really heavy, lol. I swear we should be getting danger money for going to school.

Pahah so much for getting less homework though, my maths teacher is getting well strict about it and so is my English teacher, she told us today if we didn't hand our essays in on time we'd get a letter home, jeezo extreme much.

Ah om nom, me's bored :-/

26 May

He he today was pretty good again, fell asleep in history and almost jumped outta my skin when the bell went off and woke me up but oh well =D. Mahri was laughing at me cos of it though, lol.

Lalala watching Pirates of the Carribean (if that is indeed how it is spelt) and eating poppadoms, OMG I love them XD and Johnny Depp *drools* lol =P. Went for a walk with Keeta up to Traquair this afternoon, helped her revise for her biology exam.....well we ended up just randomly chattering but oh well, lol. Had a really good time tbh, we were planning a drunken night in with brownies =D lmao.

Hmm school's kind of winding down, getting less homework and stuff cos it's almost the holidays. Only 3 and a bit weeks til Stratford! Can't wait, it's gonna be so good =D. And then Elliot Minor gig when we get back, cheesing about that cos I love gigs and we'll be staying at my sister's in Glasgow. I love Glasgow, it makes me happy to be there =D

25 May

Surprisingly, today was not too bad, for a Monday when I'm knackered, lol. The school's right quiet without the seniors (which, incedentaly, I'll be on Monday =O), and half of the first years are away on residential, it's weird actually being able to walk about the corridors without getting beaten up by people's bags, lmao. Got my French speaking exam done today, went okay I think, so no need to stress anymores, teehee. Got a bit of a sore throat, but I'm going to go up to the shop and get some ice cream after dinner =D. I've been singing 'Trouble' by Nevershoutnever all day, I love it lol.

Quite chuffed, when I got home from school dad told me that by the end of June he would give me 50p for every £1 I had in my bank account, to save up for Games Week =D should be good, I'll hopefully have about £30 saved so I'll have £45 if he holds up his end of the bargain =P.

Gah having one of those days, less fond of my appearance than usual. Really want to change something about how I look, hoping that it'll make me feel better, but I'm not sure what. Thinking of maybe dying my hair a different colour? But I don't know, I like red and I can't think what other colour I'd suit. Want a new piercing tbh, I'm totally stuck on the idea of getting my lip done but I'm going to have to wait 'til I'm 16 so I don't need parental consent :-/ ah well, only a year to wait (jeez that's a bit of a scary thought, lol)

Was on the phone to Antonio last night for 4 hours =D didn't get to sleep until half 3, but it was worth it :P

Miss him

Baaaaah I want Antonio here now =( more than usual for some reason. I miss him, even though he's not been here before, and it's really annoying that he lives so far away. I can deal with the distance, I mean I'm not saying that I can't, it's just sometimes I need him so badly and it's frustrating to not be able to see him whenever I want, to not be able to give him a hug or just have his company. Bah, I suppose I'll have to get used to it and just look forward to summer, it's going to be so amazing to finally see him.

Hmmm

Really tired and bored, so I thought I'd write to my blog, second time today I know but I have nothing better to do =D. Going over to Mahri's in about 45 minutes, should be good cos I haven't seen her outside of school in some time, we're going to have a movie night, best buy some popcorn eh :P. Kind of glad I'm seeing someone tonight, been feeling kind of lonely recently. Not like I don't spend enough time with people, just that there's someone missing maybe? Or something missing? Maybe I need a new hobby. It's kind of annoying to be honest, cos I'm really happy at the moment, both with myself and what's going on in my life. I mean, there's a few hitches (read the rant from earlier, lol) but they're things that aren't bringing me down, so they can't be that important. But yeah, I don't know why I've been feeling like this. It's weird.

22 May

Lmao I'm typing this in English, supposed to be writing my essay on Lord of the Flies but I really can't be arsed so I'm writing this instead :P
Well didn't have to do my French exam, the teacher never got round to me. I'm actually a bit annoyed cos by the second half of the lesson I was actually ready to do and now I won't get the chance until Tuesday and, knowing my luck, I'll have forgotten it all by then! lol
Ah Friday, almost the weekend, thankfully =D I'm rather tired, maybe I should go to sleep at a more reasonable time than 1 in the morning....oops :P

Woop 8 weeks until Antonio comes up :P is it sad that I'm counting? Lmao oh well. Seems like so long away, but I think if I split it up into different events, like the timetable switch on the 1st of June, then Stratford in the last week of term, then seeing Elliot Minor in Glasgow on the 27th of June and then Games Week from the 12th of July the time should pass quicker, if I don't think of the 8 weeks as some huge amount of time and break it up. Ah I still can't wait though :P not sure how I'll cope when he leaves though, I predict crying on my part, lol.


I do seem to write rather long blogs eh :P

First blog =D

He he first blog =D not really sure why I've made one but I'm bored and ignoring my French revision so I might as well, lol.
Speaking of French, I have a speaking exam tomorrow (well today lol) :S so screwed
Listening to Placebo at the moment, I am rather fond of them =D

Did something quite stupid today that I kinda want to take back, but oh well, can't change what is now the past so I guess I'll just have to make sure I don't do it again =D
Went for a walk by the river, in the opposite direction I usually go though. It was rather nice actually, I got some good pictures of the sun setting =D oh yes, I'm that lame :P
Only a few weeks left of school =D =D =D tad bit happy about that, you might not have guessed :P
Going to Stratford-Upon-Avon in the last week of term with the English department, should be pretty good cos I'm going with my two best mates Eilidh and Mahri =]
And then in the summer I'm getting a visit from Antonio, my wonderful boyfriend (: He's so adorable and cute, I won't be able to let him go =] even if he is a bit of a perv.....lmao. Wish the summer could just hurry up and arrive so I can see him lol. Gah I really can't wait, he's coming up for a week, and he's planning to get here on the 17th of July =] it's going to be amazing having him here, parents say he has to sleep in my big brother's room but I'll sneak him into mine, Great Escape style if needs be =P although how I'll build a tunnel on the second floor I'm not sure......

Anyways enough of my rambling, I'll write again soon =D